Woo Hoo!! I'm not dead, I'm just super busy. Oh boy a year and three (almost four because I'm writing this at 11pm) day in Florida. Am I homesick? Yes. Do I want to go home now? No.
I moved down to Florida knowing it was going to be at least five or so years before I'd go back to Colorado, permanently or for a visit. And I write this tonight to tell you that my sister is going back for a visit while I stay home and cry in a corner. I so desperately want to go with her but I know that I'd never ever ever (yes shut up about never say never) go back to FL. I need to remind myself the reasons I left. 1: my moms an alcoholic, and even in recovery I don't need her unstableness. 2: I'm nanny to my sister, who other wise would be spending $400 on day care when she can spend near nothing for me to live with her. 3: I need to get out of my comfort zone and explore the world around me. 4: I know that no matter what I WILL return.
On a side note what up with the new look of your blogger dashboard! I don't like it, they need to stop changing shit that isn't broken or messed up that the user is incapable to use it.
Ok back on track.... Is it back that I'm extremely jealous of my sister right now. Like so much so I want to bitch at her that I hate her for telling me to come down here and I want to go back and I don't care if she has to pay for day care. I never thought I'd miss Colorado this much but I really truly do. I miss my dad and all the fun things we did together. I miss my grandma, I'm her only grandchild and her husband (not my real grandpa) passed away earlier this year and I wasn't able to be there for her because I'm 2500k miles away. I miss Grace, my beagle, I'll never forget the look she gave me before I left for the bus... don't judge I don't fly alone. I have an illegitimate fear of it. She knew I wasn't going to come back like I told her. She gave me this look that said "I understand why you're leaving. But please don't". I wish it wouldn't be so hard for me to go for a visit or to just pack up and leave Florida. With each passing day I wonder when I will go back and under what circumstances. I also wonder if I'll find someone down here and if we got really serious and committed if I brought up I wanted to move to CO if they'd say let's go. I don't want to get stuck down here with someone who won't leave. I'm not raising my child in FL, the morals and ethics down here are out of whack and my hippie flower child will NOT be brought up in that kind of environment. I suppose only time will tell for everything.
